Sunday, November 25, 2012
Thanksgiving, Poisoning Edition
'Wait, what?' you may be asking as you skim through typical Thanksgiving photos then come to a photo of a list, some wine, and....is that a bottle of hydrogen peroxide? Welcome to 2012 Thanksgiving, the Unsurprising Edition.
Preface: This Thanksgiving I was most thankful to simply have 3.5 days to spend with my husband. I have tried writing that a lot of different ways, but no matter how I write it, it ends up sounding like Pity, Party of One. So, I'm just leaving that at that. Except I'm also thankful that the dog that still lives in Richmond is, as of this writing, still alive, because (here's where I get to the hydrogen peroxide) while we were all being thankful to have some actual face time after two weeks of not seeing each other + stuffing our faces with cranberry sauce, our Aussie Summer was all, "I sure am thankful for tasty treats!" and by "tasty treats" she meant "rat poison discovered at one of our parents' houses." So after stuffing ourselves and the dogs full of turkey, we found ourselves calling an animal poison control line, then going out to buy hydrogen peroxide to try to make Summer throw up all that turkey + poison.
(There actually were two bottles of peroxide at the house, but both were flat, which we discovered because the poison control hotline lady told Patrick to taste a little and if it didn't fizz on his tongue that it was useless, and it didn't fizz, so first we had to go out to CVS at midnight and THEN he wanted to make sure the stuff we bought was still good since apparently this stuff expires, so there we were, sitting in a parking lot at midnight tasting hydrogen peroxide straight from the bottle. As one does. Then driving home spitting the lingering aftertaste of hydrogen peroxide out the window. Again, as one does.)
We got home and tried and tried to get her to throw up by making her lap up hydrogen peroxide mixed with peanut butter while running her up and down the stairs, to no avail, except she was very happy to oblige and seemed to like the attention. So then we went to the emergency vet and now she seems fine but Patrick has to not let the Aussie get super-active for a month (Aussie owners, I KNOW RIGHT, *awful*) and has to make sure she doesn't develop clotting issues aka doesn't start bleeding everywhere randomly.
So really, I should edit this entry to be a) I am thankful I was able to see my husband for several days in a row and b) I am thankful my dog's gleefully unaware suicide attempt failed, at least for now. (I mean GEEZ dog, I know you miss me when I'm not around but there's no reason to go killing yourself just because I had to leave you again for Roanoke. Also, by "miss me" I know you really just miss the Corgi as was evidenced by your *complete lack of love for me* when I got back to RVA as you bounced around overjoyed to pummel *the other dog*. Don't think I didn't notice. NONETHELESS, even though you clearly don't love me as much as I'd hoped, don't go offing yourself, okay? Losing you would make my world end in 2012, and then the Mayans would be right, and OHGOD what if this is what they predicted?! EVERYBODY, let's all hope the Mayans were wrong. ... Because I know we were all hoping they were right? Just keep hoping they were wrong. Yep. That sounds right.)