Saturday, December 1, 2012

Be brave.

Shanna Murray

I've had a lot of reactions along the line of "Wow, I don't think I could do that," regarding the whole moving to a new city and leaving my husband three hours away until he can come and join me in a few weeks or a few months business.  "Yes, you could," I want to say.  Because if there's one thing I'm learning through both this living alone in a new city and dealing with infertility (which requires trying to make kids in a totally clinical way in which multiple parties outside your partnership are involved, like doctors and syringes and nurses and catheters and MONEY and MORE MONEY) long-distance, it's that you're probably more capable of doing painful hard tough brave things than you think you are.  The key is taking a breath and just doing it.  Accepting that it's a huge, huge risk, accepting that you're going to lose a lot, accepting that there will be pain, accepting the idea that you can do something like rip out your heart Indiana-Jones style and survive.

I mean, I'm a huge homebody.  I lack directional awareness and am so terrible with maps that it's laughable.  I'm in the midst of a drawn-out medical/life issue with my husband.  One of our favorite activities together was grocery shopping, we were that into hanging out and just living life together.  I own a home back in Richmond.  My family is there.  If I can learn to do it, you could learn to do it.  I mean that kindly, honestly, in a "Lady/Dude, you are so much more capable of doing things than you think you are.  Really.  Truly."


That or I am so stupid and don't even know the extent to which I am yet.  Always possible!  But I like to think that I'm actually doing okay, despite the long bouts of writing through tough stuff and the wallowing from time to time.  I'm slowly venturing out and went out for drinks the other night.  Haven't gotten lost in about three weeks.  Am chatting a lot online with Patrick and hashing through various financial/IVF/adoption scenarios, making communication work however we can.  

I feel like being positive today so I'm just going to say look, you can do it, you could do it, grab the bull by the horns and do it, and most importantly, don't. look. back.  I've gotten three separate calls for interviews from libraries in Richmond since moving here, one of which was for a job I hadn't even applied for but I'd interviewed for another position with them a few months back and they apparently liked me enough to keep me on file even if I didn't get that job, and I turned them all down.  I'm here.  It's done.  I'm doing this, period.  If anything, the hardest thing has been turning down those chances to go back home, to keep our house, to go back to Patrick, but they're fleeting chances, they're ideas, they aren't real, and I've committed to this, and most importantly, I love this job.  I've got a great thing here.  No turning back.

If I can learn to do it, you can learn to do it.  Just be brave.


  1. Way to go. You totally can do it. And it is hard, but not impossible. Yes to staying positive and to bravery.
    BTW, I am not sure if you are familiar / read Fiona's posts on bravery (from the blog far far away), but she's written a whole series on the theme of being brave and has had some quite diverse guest posts on the subject. There are some good pieces there...

    1. Here is the link I tried to paste it but I am not sure it worked:

    2. Ooo, I'm adding those to my instapaper to read later! Thank you! (And thank you for all your kind comments in general. They are so kind of you. I've been slacking on leaving comments lately, but know that you're in my thoughts!)

  2. 1) I'm so happy that you are loving your new job. You are generally kicking butt at life.
    2) I feel like "I could never do that" is mostly just us saying "I hope I never have to do that", because I've done a lot of things in life that I couldn't have imagined myself getting through if you had asked me before they happened. (Not that my life has been filled with horrible goings on, but, you know, life. It's hard sometimes. You buckle down and muddle through. And then look back and feel proud of yourself.)

  3. Thanks so much for putting words to what I have thought SO MANY TIMES. I try really hard not to say "I don't think I could do that" to others because what it (often) really means is "I'm so glad I don't have to do that." It's more a comment about how crappy someone's situation is, not so much a comment about their strength. We all do what life requires of us...but yeah, you've already covered that stuff so now I don't have to get on my soapbox. Thanks. (-: