Tuesday, January 15, 2013

It's the dog's fault

Hiya!  I had a piece entitled Kindling Bravery run over at the fab APW yesterday, so if you're new here from over yonder, hello!  As a goofier supplement to the serious stuff I wrote over there, I wanted to present the sad, sad state of affairs of my good intentions versus reality of what I planned to do with all my free time here in this apartment alone with my dog.


It even includes a DVD.  Perfect smart professional-development-y use of my time, right?  RIGHT.  Except the below is what *actually* ended up happening.


Peanut butter with the cinnamon and raisins and granola already mixed in (MAGICAL) eaten from the container via spoon.  Glitter nail polish.  Fluffy television.  Short story collections.  In other words, screw professional development, bring on the coping mechanisms!

I'm just going to blame it on the dog.  In a house, he wasn't barky but in this apartment (which thank god I'm leaving in less than two weeks) he's a nut-case.  He's like this tiny Oompa-Loompa, except instead of incessant singing about EVERYTHING, he engages in incessant barking about EVERYTHING.  Person enters the building and the sound of a door echoes in the hallway?  BARK BARK BARK.  Person walks by the apartment building windows.  BARK BARK BARK.  This would be okay if it weren't for the fact that this apartment a) echoes and b) is situated near a little mini-mart drug traffic corner (yesterday I watched a jolly fellow in a track suit sprint across the street yelling I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP MOTHERFUCKER to another gentleman at the mini-mart).  BARK BARK BARK ...  BARK.  Or maybe nothing at all happens!  BARK BARK BARK AT PHANTOM MENACES.  The fact that I'm not barking crazy at this point is, I think, a testament to my level of endurance and willingness to say "shut up" a trillion times even when it has proven to do nothing.  (I have tried training Neville to shut up on command of "shush" with treats, but he seems to view this more as a "sit and wait for a treat.............bark?" situation.  Advice or shaking your head at my failure as a trainer is totally okay here.)  I can't learn sign language when I'm trying to get the dog to shuuuuut uppppppp because people keep having the audacity to enter my apartment building.  Dog should be glad he's got a cute butt because otherwise I'd hate him more often (as it is, he totally melts me when he stops barking and curls up on the couch next to me).  I'm sure the neighbors, being unable to view said butt, just hate him.

I will totally get started on that sign language book once I'm moved and in the new cottage with Patrick.  Totally.  I will.  Really.  

Sigh.  I'm a crazy dog lady now.


  1. Hahahahahaha. Bark bark bark. It is true, dogs go crazy in small apartments, even more if he *knows* and has lived in bigger spaces. How often do you walk with him? Making him tired is key.. but I am pretty sure you know all that already.
    Him barking at everything sounds like he thinks he should protect you and inform you of everything that's going on.
    I love your glitter nail polish. I have pink one but I really want the rainbow one now, for the confetti effect.
    I loved your piece at APW too. Anywhow don't be too hard on yourself, simple fun stuff is also ok, and you will learn the sign language. I have been finding that contrary to what I walways thought having a schedule and setting up deadlines for myself helps me get stuff done (I know, duh, but I had always being against agendas, smugly thinking I did not need them, as I knew very well what I had to do and when)

    1. Oh yeah, it's definitely a combination of him being pent up more often and not getting out as much AND the other dog being back in Richmond, paired with him wanting to guard the whole building and my apartment within it. I walk him in the morning and when I get home so he gets two good half-hour walks-ish each day, and I take him to the dog park whenever I can so he's a regular feature there too. :) He's just extra-fussy these days with the changes.

      HAH I was totally the same way. Then I started programming little events into my phone and having it remind me beforehand and OMG MIRACLE things got so much easier to keep track of! Which, I know, duh! :P