Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Working for happiness

Weekend in a nutshell: wherein getting Reading Rainbow shirts and my favorite magazine in the mail make for a happier span of days.  Also, mountains and hiking.  And sleepy corgis. 

Grainy vain selfie

Still, cute Corgis aside, sometimes, you just need a taco night out.  This weekend was one of those times, even as we puttered about with gardening and hiking and whatnot.  We're continuing to push through with the various annoyances in selling our house and to scrabble our way back to living lives we want to live.  So much of this process over the past year and a half has been about scrabbling to get back to being happy with our lives.  It feels like we have to work at it, really work at simply getting back to where we felt we were back when we lived in the Fan District (it's funny -- we always moan about having ever, ever left Floyd Ave, because that seemed to be the tipping point where everything went massively south -- but truth be told, there are some things that would have gone south anyway, obviously).  But, c'est la vie.  The things we want now are so simple-seeming to us that when we achieve them, they're going to feel all the sweeter.  RIGHT?  At least, that's what I keep telling myself because what else am I supposed to tell myself?  The things we want in life probably suck and we don't want them anyway?  No, that will simply not do.  We want good, simple things and they seem so close to being attainable that it's maddening. As Patrick put it the other day to summarize, all we want is a little farm with a kid, and maybe to go adventuring once in a while.  That's it.  That's really it. (Not to sound like a whine to the universe there, but we aren't kidding: that's pretty much it.) 

So: We'll make it.  We will.  These things cannot be maddeningly out of our reach forever, right?  I have to hold onto that, because otherwise, this long scrabble-slog will feel even worse.  I'm an incredibly cynical person so my hanging-onto-the-cliff-ness here is about the best I can do.

So we go out for tacos and just repeat the mantra: We'll make it, we have to, we will.   Until then, it's tacos and rainbows and mountains and hope.  I know experiencing hardship can make the good things feel better in the long run, so I'm holding out that such will be the case.


  1. This is always true but I just feel like saying today that I really enjoy your bog and hearing about all your struggles and victories.

  2. "We'll make it, we will". I was telling Mark the other day that when this actually happens we will be so much happier, we will appreciate it so much.

    "...all we want is a little farm with a kid, and maybe to go adventuring once in a while.". Yup, that's it. I keep telling Mark we should just get some goats and make cheese.

    Hoping the rainbows and unicorns are on their way (and it sounds like you had a great weekend).

    1. Thanks :) It seems so ridiculous sometimes because it's not like my whole life has been sufferiiiiiing -- far from it. And I like to think that if it were any number of other issues, even long-term issues, we'd just buckle down and get on with it, but the whole "everybody gets to do this but youuuu" feeling combined with the biologically-innate "this is what humans everywhere are meant to do, wtf"ness of it makes it feel way harder than other hard things. I dunno -- I try not to be a whiner because I *do* have a good life, and sometimes I wonder if I'm just being greedy. :-/

  3. I'm rooting for you! Always always always!

  4. I basically could have written this post myself. Yes, we'll make it. We just have to keep going, and we'll get there, to that simple happiness.

    Also, I am insanely envious of that Reading Rainbow shirt. Coolest thing ever. Between RR and Star Trek, LeVar Burton is pretty much, like, the best man in the world in my eyes. OK, I guess there's my husband too...