Friday, January 10, 2014

On planning not to have a nursery

We aren't going to have a nursery in the new house.  We're planning on it.  Or not planning on it, rather.

Basically, our lease for this cracker box is up February 1, but we're moving next Saturday so we have a two week buffer to clean the place, etc.  We knew we couldn't stay here if we had a baby -- I know some people can make it work in the tiniest of places (all of you New Yorkers, I know) but since we've crammed a house three times the size of this place into here, we're cramped and literally have no place to put even a co-sleeper crib without it being a Capital P Problem.  That, and all the other reasons I dislike this rental.  (This is going to sound so gross because it is, but we have had houseflies for the entire year we've lived here -- they seem to come in through the oil-heating grate, and we haven't been able to get rid of them naturally, and living in such a small space, with other animals, while doing IVF/being pregnant meant no harsh chemicals flooding the place.  It's kind of a special hell.)

Anyway, when we started looking for a new apartment/house, we realized we couldn't afford a place with an extra bedroom* (or rather, one in a place we wanted to live; there was one house waaaaaay up and around a mountain, but the 45-minute commute seemed unappealing.  Also, mountain.)  And as it turns out, that was actually okay.  The whole buying a house with a room that would be a nursery kind of cured me of planning that far ahead.  Trophy for Derpitude, winner is me.  So going into it now, we're just planning on not having a nursery.

I feel a little silly.  'You're going to have a baby!' I tell myself, but the thought of renting a place with a room for that purpose is something I just can't do, and also can't put off until I'm further along -- I don't want to rent it, then not have a baby, then be stuck making it the auxiliary office again.  Blahsville.

On the downside, it means there'll be no nursery to decorate.  But that's okay.  I feel like I've been "decorating a nursery" in my head for so long, metaphorically, that not really doing it is okay.  More than okay.  I thought I'd be all upset, like we used to have a room in our owned-house, we were all set to be parents "properly", and then shit hit the fan and we couldn't pay grad student loans, do IVF, and keep living there what a total crapburger, but it turns out, I'm really not buggered by it.  I'm sure to outside people when I say "Oh, we aren't having a nursery" I'll seem like some cold robot parent, but oh well.  I suppose that's part of life; people are gonna judge you either way, so best to just take the way that's best for you, and fuck the social conditioning that says you haaaaaaaave to want to decorate a nursery, that's when it all becomes reeeeeeeal.

I just kind of assume there are bigger things in life to plan and worry about.  Ignoring this one isn't anything to even write a blog post about, to be honest.  We can still set up a mobile.  Yawn.  I'm boring myself here, so I should probably just admit that this topic is a snoozer.

I'm honestly way more excited about living in a walkable old neighborhood again.  Sidewalks!  Pleasant walks!

*Long story short; my old job paid less, I took a new job that paid more, we moved from our hipster city for it, husband ended up with a job that pays a lot less since the market for higher-degreed tattooed bearded people is harder in a more rural area.  Sometimes you take a chance and it doesn't pan out quite how you hoped.  Life goes on.


  1. I'm glad you are getting out of your current place and moving to a walkable neighborhood!

    Nurseries are so underused the first year. You will get by just fine without one. They're not too picky. :)


  2. A "nursery" for us was more a storage space for the gifts and hand-me-downs we were receiving in the meantime. I don't think Corey and I started heavily getting into setting up legit furniture like the crib and changing table far into the second trimester. Plus, it didn't matter much, since the kiddo bunked with us for the first three months in his bassinet (sometimes in our bed). It's just having a room to put stuff. I made the mistake of trying to cram Warren's stuff into our bedroom, so I ended up having to step over things for my 6 week leave. Don't do that. :)

    1. Yeah, I just figure we'll make do with the space we have, and just try to limit the number of "big" items (ie, maybe a small changing station rather than a whole table, etc). We'll just channel Tim Gunn and make it work.

    2. You need almost nothing for a newborn anyway. We had a changing "table" (top of dresser) for our first and it was fine. But for our second we did not even have a changing pad most of the time. We stashed diapers on a shelf or under the edge of the bed and just set Baby on the floor, the couch, the bed, whatever we happened to be near at the time.

      Congratulations, by the way!

  3. Lots of people do this, of course, but here's a one-bedroom nursery tour just to show how lovely it can be: It will be great!