Friday, January 16, 2015

Weaning weepies (also, damn you Matt Groening)

I knew this day was hurtling towards me fast, but I didn't think it would actually arrive.  I think I'm done nursing my baby.  It was so hard, and she's been on mostly formula for something like two months now as it is, so you'd think the easing off of it entirely would be okay, but weaning is hard for ME.  I pumped once today and got 1/4 of an ounce.  When I tried to feed her, she would suck, but then after a second or two turn away, fussing (probably because hello, not much going on).

It's okay.  I made it past the 6 month mark.  Limping.  Crawling, really.  But I made it.  More on a technicality than anything, but I made it.  I'm just a little sad, at the end of the day.  I wanted so badly to make it to a year.  I'm sad to lose that snuggling capacity at night.  I know she will still cuddle with me, that I can still comfort her and that we have so much more to add to our mother/daughter relationship, and the loss os this one thing is just that: this one thing.  But I'm still sad to lose this one thing.

I just feel a little wobbly and weepy.  I came across the song that's played in the Futurama episode where Leela finds out her parents loved her all along, and I just quietly let the tears roll.  Sitting there in the rocking chair, big sad tears were streaming down my face because HAVE YOU SEEN THAT EPISODE?!  And also weaning.  Damn you weaning.  And damn you Matt Groening.