Sunday, September 27, 2015
"A courageous -- subversive, almost -- act of resistance"
I have all these dog-eared pages of Brigid Schulte's Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has The Time (quoted above), and yet I keep putting off actually writing about the book. So, here are things about my life as a female parent I'm changing after having read it:
I am prioritizing my need for play. It has always been difficult for me to really take time for myself that is equal to the time Patrick takes weekly with his two bands and the shows that other people schedule (for here, for Charlottesville, for Philly). I cannot change the band, so it does require that I give up some things; a fire pit hangout at a friend's house got trumped by being the parent at home while the other parent plays drums in Cville -- though my biggest question was more along the lines of, "There are metalheads in Charlottesville?? Where??? Poor souls."
But within the framework of my marriage, there are still some things I can do even while being flexible with the bands. (Because who wants to be the perceived Yoko (who didn't even actually break up the band! Yet gets the finger-pointing blame!)? Nobody. It is hard to be a ~band wife~ (that sounds so gross, I hate defining myself as a _____ wife, yuck, never doing that again not even with ~~) when there's such a stigma against interfering in any way. I did put my foot down about the band paying for a sitter the last time there was a show that interfered with my job though, and they ponied up, so there's that.))
Anyway. I'm doing more for me. I'm starting up riding lessons again as soon as I can. It's something just for me, that brings me joy, and dammit, I refuse to find a hobby that I can do at home easily, because all these sanctioned, safe female hobbies are things done in the home and it's a TRAP. This isn't to say quilting and knitting and cooking aren't good things, it's that the way society views women's -- especially mothers' -- hobbies is through a framework of things that are done for the family, for the good of others, and I want something that's entirely my own that I do for fun and out of zero sense of obligation or necessity/health (aka, exercise is not the leisure I'm after).
I want to play for the sake of play with it having nothing to do with productivity or professional development or motherhood, and I'm going to be doing way more of that.
I have the urge to go, "World's best mom, lol" here but no. That kind of wry self-belittlement about taking time for myself is no longer allowed in House DeRoche.