I'm suddenly starting a new job next month. Same field, different library system, all good things, etc. Still, it means a shift in morning commutes, a lot of uncertainty about what that'll look like. Someone (on Twitter maybe?) said something the other day about morning rituals, and how they try to eat breakfast sitting down, and at this point in my life I truly can't even imagine. Of course, I could try and make the time. But at the expense of, well, sleep.
I tried waking up early to write. I realized I do my best writing in the morning, but particularly when my job involves routine Saturdays, this left just one day a week for good morning writing. So I thought, OK, I'll solve this problem by waking up an hour earlier and basking in the pre-dawn quiet, except it turns out, I do not have the mental resolve to do that when it's dark out and I stayed up late reading (late meaning 10:00 -- I know my limits).
I hate the cult of busy. I hate it. I hate saying how busy I am, because I know there's time I waste, somewhere. I don't want to sign my kid up for lessons or anything, because it's just one more thing to tack onto the to-do list, and I already push myself on projects a lot. What am I going to do when she's in school and wants to be in the play or something? What gets sacrificed on the altar of sleep, the altar of school plays, the altar of just 1500 more words?
I don't have a solution. I forge on, working on projects (3 ongoing at the moment, a couple percolating, but now I feel like I'm Busy Cult Conversation-ing again) and trying to go to the gym twice a week and be home and present when I need to be.
I hate when I see those memes that remind me that "You have the same amount of time in the day as Beyoncé" because sure in theory, but not in practice, because I'm pretty sure Beyoncé can pay other people to do the time-suck things in her life, as is her right, because by god she's a queen. It's just a fundamentally ridiculous comparison. Person A with access to help has the same amount of hours in the day as Person B, but a vastly superior range of options for how to use that time. I know this has been said better by other people, so I'm just echoing better writers here. But still. Every time I see it, I feel BAD, like I'm not doing ENOUGH with my time, and then simultaneously mad that I feel mad, because I shouldn't feel mad. I think I should feel proud of my output.
All that said, I've asked for a hammock for Mother's Day.